I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known

Walt Disney

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner

He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how

pretty Anthony's roommate is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she

started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met

the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must

be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your

mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You

don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure. "So he sat down

and wrote an email:

Dear MaMa,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm

not saying that you "did not" take it.

But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here

for dinner.

Your Loving Son,

Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa

which read:

Dear son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that

"you do not" sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would

have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving MaMa

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the Captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.  Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from  London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax  and..... OH, MY GOD !"

   

Silence Followed!..................

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I  was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" 

One Aussie passenger yelled...

"For F- - - 's sake ........ You should see the back of mine!!!"

Sherlock Holmes e Watson vão acampar.

Montam a tenda e, depois de uma boa refeição e uma garrafa de vinho, deitam-se para dormir.

Algumas horas depois, Holmes acorda e diz para o seu fiel amigo:

-- Meu caro Watson, olhe para cima e diga-me o que vê.

Watson responde:

-- Vejo milhares e milhares de estrelas.

Holmes, então, pergunta:

-- E o que isso significa?

Watson pondera por um minuto, depois enumera:

1. Astronomicamente, significa que há milhares e milhares de galáxias, e, potencialmente, biliões de planetas.

2. Astrologicamente, observo que Saturno está em Leão e teremos um dia de sorte.

3. Temporalmente, deduzo que são aproximadamente 03 horas e 15 minutos pela altura em que se encontra a Estrela Polar.

4. Teologicamente, posso ver que Deus é todo-poderoso e somos pequenos e insignificantes.

5. Meteorologicamente, suspeito que teremos um lindo dia.

Correcto?

Holmes fica um minuto em silêncio e diz:

-- Foda-sssse... Watson, não vês que nos gamaram a puta da tenda?!!...

Moral da história:

A vida é simples, nós é que a complicamos.